Diesel Boy

Hi there. This is Trevor with yet another interview for your viewing pleasure. This one is with Dave from the always entertaining band, Diesel Boy. Random Fact: Both Morton and Diesel Boy hail from the same small city of Santa Rosa, California. Random Fact, Part 2: Morton has admitted to me confidentially that he has used Lemon Scented Pledge as masturbatory lubricant. What does this all mean? I do not know. Read on and maybe the truth shall set you free.

So who is this and what makes you so special?

I’m Diesel Dave, the singer/guitar player for Diesel Boy. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I’m also hopelessly addicted the “Real World.”

When are you going to go to college and get a real job?

Obviously, my journalistic friend, you aren’t well trained in the art of interview research. Otherwise, you would have already discovered that I have been to college and that I have a degree in Communications. How else could I have become so literate and so adept at communicating? I’m not sure what qualifies as a real job, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never have one.

What was the most embarrassing moment of your childhood? How did that event warp your psyche and turn you into the man you’ve become?

I don’t know about embarrassing, but I was teased a lot in elementary school. My “friends” used to take off my shoes and toss them back and forth refusing to give them back until I would cry. I believe the game is called “monkey in the middle.” Fuck those guys. That period of my life certainly left its mark on me but that was a long time ago. I’ve come a long way since then. Coincidentally, one of my elementary school buddies is now an MTV VJ. And fortunately for me, he was not one of the assholes involved in the shoe game.
note from morton: Lemme guess… Jesse the big haired freaky guy?

How would a world under your tyrannical control differ from the one we are currently inhabiting?

Reese Witherspoon would be my wife and everyone would think I was good-looking. If you told me otherwise you would be killed. Courtney Love would be exiled to an island whose only other inhabitant was Britney Spears. And the world’s printing presses would be implanted with a chip that would disallow anything other than the i dunno zine from being printed.
note from morton: wow, he actually said that?

I want to be a punk rocker just like you. The problem is I was born in 1979. If my parents took me to see any of the great early punk acts, I obviously don’t remember it. How do I overcome this shortcoming and become the best “Diesel Boy” I can be?

Here’s some advice: Masturbate often. Enjoy your body, its the only one you’ll ever have. Wear sunscreen. Go dancing. Listen to Diesel Boy records every day. Live in New York at least once in your life but leave before it hardens you. Live in Northern California at least once in your life but leave before you become too soft. Whenever Rush Limbaugh is on the radio, turn it off. Listen to lots and lots of Smoking Popes records. Don’t ever fuck your best friend’s girlfriend. Travel. And most importantly, trust me about the sunscreen.

How do your parents feel about your songs with debauncherous and lewd lyrics? Do they support the band and what you do?

My parents are cool. They totally respect and support what I do. They love Diesel Boy and they aren’t easily offended. Songs about girls that masturbate and whatnot don’t bother them. For the most part, they enjoy my sense of humor and they’ve never seemed put off by what I do. I mean we’re not Guttermouth or the Dwarves or something. More than anybody else, I really appreciate their support. I hope I make a pile of money someday so I can buy them a condo on the beach.

How would you react if the events Pet Cemetery happened to you? How would you combat zombie cats?

Um. Zombie cat repellent?

When you are on the road for countless hours it must bring about some odd lines of conversation. What has the band discussed at length during your journeys on the open highway?

Whether Orwell’s vision of a utopian society truly parallels that of Dostoevsky’s political model, or whether Orwell’s vision is in fact closer to that of Steven Hawking’s 1992 manuscript on the true meaning of time.

Why is it not cool to be a hippie? I think it’s pretty “punk rock” to not bathe, listen to bad music, and sleep with a lot of people, don’t you?

I assume you are referring either to Justin’s “Hippies Suck” T-shirt from the “Venus Envy” artwork or the slacker’s T-shirt on the cover of “Sofa King Cool.” In both cases, the people ARE hippies. Note the long hair and stoner expressions. It’s sarcasm.

What do you think is the most pointless activity that each of us engages in at some point? What troubles you about it?

Answering interview questions. I mean who’s actually going to read these answers anyway? I spend hours and hours baring my soul in an interview that I’m sure will only be read by some 11 year old kid in WhoTheFuckCares, Iowa, who happens only to stumble upon my interview while searching for wall-size pictures of lesbians fisting.

I would you like you to start some rumors and stories on our zine involving bands you’ve toured with both past and present. Will you comply?

Sure. Tony from Ten Foot Pole stills sucks his thumb. Jake from Strung Out pees his bed on tour. Fat Mike’s real first name isn’t Mike, it’s Walter. And Chuck from Good Riddance is really GG Allin. He faked his own death. That picture in their record of Chuck and GG together isn’t real. It’s trick photography.

In listening to your albums, it’s quite obvious that you only rival Crass and Propagandhi in terms of social and political awareness. What observations have you made about life and the government’s heavy-handed actions in your years on this planet?

The most important thing I’ve learned is this: Never trust whitey.

Why do you all wear matching star shirts on stage? It’s a joke that I’m not in on. I feel left out. It hurts a lot. Why do you treat me like this?

The truth is the record company told us if we wore matching shirts we would sell more records, so we did. The star symbolizes our life-long commitment to the ways of our astrological guru, Kenny Kingston.

Do you believe in fate or destiny? Why or why not?

Not really. I think life is what you make of it. If you wanna be something, work your ass off and you can be whatever you wanna be. If you want to be a doctor, go to med school because your destiny sure as fuck ain’t going to make you a doctor. I do think that things happen on this planet that we can’t explain, but I wouldn’t classify them as fate or destiny. Life is a series of choices. Make the right ones and hopefully it’ll work out for you.

How does this interview rank up amongst all of the others you’ve done through the years? Am I your favorite? Will a friendship stem from this short-term association?

I had a good time doing this interview. The Crass/Propagandhi question made me laugh which is pretty rare. I’ll give you four out of five stars. I’m a tough grader. Will we become friends? We’ll probably never share a moonlit walk along the beach or double team some rock slut together but I would consider answering an e-mail if it came my way.
Note From Trevor: In your face, Morton! I have rock star friends!

Any final words for our viewing audience?

Thanks for the interview.

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