OK, I know what you’re thinking. How the hell could Moisst get this interview hooked up? They don’t do interviews anymore with anyone.. No video interviews, magazine interviews, nothing! Well I’ll tell ya… Moisst has been around long enough that we were able to conduct an interview with the elusive Fat Mike of NOFX before they decided they had, had enough of the same old. Sure this was a little dated but what the hell. Everything in this interview has little to nothing to do with what NOFX is now it is dedicated more directly with what NOFX are about in the grey area. If you want to find out about new releases or new inspiration check the FAT WRECK CHORD page on the internet and forget you ever saw this interview.
MOISST: Where are you playing after the states on this tour?
MOISST: Do you like the fraulines? The sweet Germans with the hairy legs?
MIKE: No I like the Dominatrics, actually I’m married, so you know how that goes.
MOISST: I don’t believe that shit.(At this point Mike whips out a photo of a beautiful woman from his wallet)
MIKE: That’s her really,
MOISST: Are you sure you didn’t dig that up out of a Victoria Secret catalog?
MIKE: No that’s really her.
MOISST: OK, What’s the difference from doing the tours you used to do in the cleaning van and now with the gigantor touring bus?
MIKE: The difference is, well were just stoked you know. Actually the difference is you can jack off in there.
MOISST: And no one is going to get shot in the eye.
MOISST: How do you get along with the road crew. A long time ago you had the moron brothers with you when you would come through town and they were fucking insane with the spit gobs and mouthful of beer fights during the show. Now they’re no where to be found now.
MIKE: Our whole road crew, they are like our best friends. We like everyone on the bus. If we didn’t they, wouldn’t be there. We have a great time together.
MOISST: No leeching at each others throats?
MIKE: No, not really.
MOISST: Any crazy pranks pulled you can recall.
MIKE: Pranks? I can tell you what we did to Chad from Face to Face. It was his birthday and we were out in Ottawa Canada. Anyway, it was cold as shit when we were there. What we did was we duck taped him to a telephone pole. There were a bunch of kids hanging out when it happened and it was hilarious. We left him outside for a while.
MOISST: How many illegitimate kids do you have floating around?
MIKE: I don’t have any, I’m sterile.
MOISST: Was the Bad News Bears life better for El Heffe or is NOFX?
MIKE: Well, he blew all the money he made off that movie on drugs. So I guess he had no choice but to join NOFX.
MOISST: Did your parents force you to drink Ovaltine as a child?
MIKE: No, but my mom once told me that If I was going to smoke pot I had to smoke it with her. I didn’t smoke pot till I was twenty one.
MOISST: Have you ever dreamt about livestock, or specifically having any sexual relations with livestock?
MIKE: No, no. I like leather and shit but not the cows in that kind of way.
MOISST: What about life size Barbies?
MIKE: To tell you the truth I really don’t like that shit.
MOISST: What do you guys do to kill time when your not on stage?
MIKE: Favorite pastime? Well we all suck each other off. We play the circle game. If you can break the circle you get sucked.
MOISST: What bands do you like that you’ve played with recently? Are they all on Fat Wreck Chords?
MIKE: Lagwagon and Propaghandi. They’re good and that’s all it takes! I think all the bands on my label are good. Like I had a chance to sign 7 Year Bitch when they were making some noise, but they suck. You know they sold a lot of records but they still suck. You can sign a lot of bands and make a lot of money, but I just want good bands I really like on the label.
MOISST: How long have you had the label Fat Wreck Chords?
MIKE: Seven years now.
MOISST: What’s next for NOFX?
MIKE: Same old shit.
MOISST: Are you going to play Phoenix any time soon?
MIKE: Never, well O.K. Next month maybe. We just didn’t do Phoenix on this tour because we’ve got to go home and get into the studio.
MOISST: Was the horn thing for El Heffe a childhood thing?
MIKE: He played in marching band as an infant.
MOISST: What’s you favorite Glam Rock band?
MIKE: Hanoi Rocks. (At this point Mike pauses to sign some gals underwear. He’s been signing various article through out the interview. Mike tells us this is the first time he’s ever signed underwear.)
MOISST: What’s your favorite porno?
MIKE: We got this one on the bus call “Please Mistress”. It’s some S&M Lesbian shit. It’s goooood!!!
MOISST: Have you ever heard of Life In The Fat Lane part 2″ the porno?
MIKE: You know I don’t watch porno’s with dicks in them. I really hate seeing cock shots. I am more into bondage, whips, leather and lesbians.
MOISST: On that note I say thanks for the time and good luck with the tour.
MIKE: No problem!
And with that Mike staggered back into the club with his breast beer mug waiving!
Interview by : Moisst Underground Noise : http://www.moisst.com